areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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