Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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