I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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