ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
