whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
