i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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