Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
