My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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