I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
