he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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