the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
