i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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