did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
