Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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