I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
