if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
