doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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