remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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