i just had sex bonerless
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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