just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
