Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
