Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
