i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
