if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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