we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
