i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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