How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
