Your face is a jimmy john
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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