I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
