As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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