After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
