My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
