finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
