There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
