Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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