So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
