Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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