if you like me you must not know who I am
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
