He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
