I will die if light touches me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
