she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
