He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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