I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
