No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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