grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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