she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize