i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
