Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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