I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
