i think i have two assholes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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