That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
