overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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