I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
