That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
