Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
