I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
