I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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