ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
