i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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