Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize