if i can run in heels then i can drive
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
