I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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