Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
