sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
