Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
