Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
