Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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