youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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