They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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