remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
