I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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