yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
