I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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