My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize