i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
