I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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