honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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