Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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