it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk is not a location!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
