i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We have started to decorate penises.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sext me about skeletons
That's how pantless uber rides happen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
