hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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