I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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