I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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