oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
